Domestic violence is not a recent phenomenon, however, only recently has society begun to recognize the tragedy of this specific type of aggression as a social problem. A recent article from Exame magazine¹ revealed the results of a survey conducted with women from Northeast Brazil and addressed the issue of the impacts of domestic violence on the personal and professional lives of victims.
A few months ago, I learned that a soap opera from a reputable broadcaster in the country would closely address the issue. My first thought was, “Finally! They should have addressed this issue years ago.” With over ten years of experience working with domestic violence, I couldn’t help but express my disappointment and even indignation at the simplistic way this issue was then addressed. If all domestic violence were only physical, if every victim could confront their aggressor and simply put an end to the aggression as in the soap opera I referred to, it would all be much easier.
Physical violence is indeed repugnant, but domestic violence causes much more pain than the visible marks left on the victim’s body. The Maria da Penha Law of 2006 determines that domestic violence against women is any action or omission based on gender that causes death, injury, physical, sexual or psychological suffering, and moral or patrimonial damage, as defined in Article 5 of said law, Law No. 11,340/2006. However, unfortunately, many people still believe that the only real form of violence is physical.
Unlike the impact of physical violence, the marks of emotional and psychological violence are not immediately visible and usually last much longer. Emotional and psychological abuse destroys the victim’s self-esteem until they feel worthless without their partner and that they cannot live without them. This violence makes you feel completely useless, worthless, and blame yourself for all your family’s problems. Emotional and psychological violence is not only overlooked by society but mainly by the victims themselves.
Recognizing that the person you chose to take care of you, be your partner, father/mother of your children, is capable of harming you so much, is extremely painful. Feelings of shame, guilt, regret, and profound sadness are almost suffocating. Therefore, it is often easier not to recognize the violence, justify the partner’s behavior, and excuse them. What victims of domestic violence do not initially realize is that they are only postponing dealing with a problem that will not go away without being recognized and having professional interference and help. Recognizing abuse can be devastating and cause shock and a painful sense of mourning, but it is essential that this step be taken towards a new beginning because every individual has the right to a life free from violence.
I emphasize that, for the specific purpose of this article, I refer to domestic violence against both women and men, although I do not fail to recognize that the former statistically represent the absolute majority of cases. I remind you, therefore, that violence is a two-way street and pain has no homeland, race, age, or gender.
¹EXAME MAGAZINE. ARTICLE: “BRAZIL: THE INVISIBLE SIDE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE,” NOVEMBER 24, 2017.
Thais Clemente